My Work in Perinatal Mental Health & Parenting
For Mothers*
We were never meant to do this alone – there is nothing wrong with you for struggling. Reaching out for help is a radical act of self-care.
{*I use the term mothers in a most general sense. This includes birthers, adoptive, foster, and single mothers; people in mothering roles like aunties and grandmas; trans folks, queer and non-binary parents. I also support people in diverse relationship styles including open, poly, pods, and co-parenting}
Motherload
She keeps an office in her sternum, the flat
bone in the center of her chest with all its
urgent papers, vast appointments, lists of
minor things. In her vertebrae she holds more
carnal tasks: milk jugs, rotten plants, heavy-
bottomed toddlers in all their mortal rage.
She keeps frustration in her hallux: senseless
chatter, jealous fangs, the spikes of a dinosaur's
tail. The belly is more complicated - all heartache
and ambition. Fires and tidal waves.
In her pelvis she holds her labors, long and
slippery. In her clavicle, silent things. (Money
and power. Safety and choice. Tiny baquets
of shame.)
In her hands she carries their egos, small and
flimsy. In her mouth she holds their laughter,
gentle currents, a cosmos of everything.
by Kate Baer
Why I do this work
I come to the work of supporting mothers, birthers, and those in mothering roles because of my own struggles during my transition into motherhood and as a parent. Becoming a mother was not what I thought it would be; it was hard & lonely, and I blamed myself for much of that. I struggled with anxiety, depression, feeling I had lost myself, and that I was failing as a mother – and I felt the deep absence of support for mothers. It was through my own therapy that I found healing, balance, and grace – and now I want to offer that to others. Between my own experience, my research about mother-blame, and the vast number of stories I have heard from clients I am passionately motivated to change the narrative about motherhood. As a feminist I believe the work of mothering is vital to the health of the entire community, and should be valued and supported as such.
If you don’t always love being a mother, it does not mean you are failing or that you are a bad mother. The cultural standards for mothers are impossibly high: mothers are expected to be perfect, and when we inevitably cannot be we are blamed. Expected to never yell, always play, make the perfect meals every day, and to do it all by ourselves. The stories we are told about motherhood - that it comes naturally, is fulfilling and joyful - often don’t line up with our actual experience. It might be harder, more stressful, demanding, confusing, and draining than you could have imagined. All the information we can access about infant sleep, feeding, attachment and parenting scripts can be useful at times, but it can also be overwhelming and leave you feeling that you can never get it right (especially because the ‘experts’ often give conflicting advice!).
So the support I offer is centred around validating your unique experience, bringing compassion to the hard parts, and reclaiming your story of motherhood.
Many parents come to me because they feel overwhelmed, that they have lost connection to themselves & others, and are struggling to manage their feelings. Many people I work with want to better understand how their childhood influences their experience as a parent, and to feel more in control of how they are showing up.
Areas I can
support you with
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Low-mood & depression, lack of enjoyment in life
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Anxiety & intrusive/scary thoughts
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Feeling overwhelmed by emotions like anger, guilt, fear, and shame
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Parental burnout & self-care
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Self-doubt, low self-esteem, body image, & self-critical thoughts
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Transition to motherhood (identity shifts, changes in relationships, feeling lost, adjusting to this new role)
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Mental load of motherhood and the pressure to be the perfect mother
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Impacts of your own childhood and/or past traumas on your parenting
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Breaking the cycles of intergenerational trauma, attachment wounds, and abuse
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Processing birth trauma (such as from a loss, lack of consent, loss of control, fear for one’s own or baby’s survival, overwhelm)
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Reclaiming motherhood: identifying the values and practices you want to ground yourself in
Vision
Together, lets explore who you are as a person and a parent, hold space for the ways this experience isn’t what you expected it to be, and have honest conversations about the hard things. You deserve to be supported, to feel better, to enjoy your days, and to feel purposeful (not just useful). AND (bonus!) you doing better also means you will be able to be the parent you want to be. When your needs are met, your tank is full, and you feel like part of the circle of support, then you can show up for your kids as the parent you want to be.
I want to help you learn how to listen to your needs and how to meet them. To move through self-judgment and guilt when it is about things you are not responsible for, or for just not being perfect. To let go of unrealistic socially imposed expectations, so you can have more room to breathe.
I'm also going to celebrate the good with you - big and small. When you hit a parenting milestone, when you break a pattern you've been working on, or when you make space for yourself. We will notice your strengths, your resilience, and your growth.